Inappropriate Material Online – Talk to Your Kids About it

When I speak to parents about internet safety, one question they often ask  is, “When should I start talking to my kids about inappropriate material or pornography on the internet?”

My response, “as soon as they begin to use the computer.”

If your kids accidentally go to a pornographic website, they will try to hide it from you. They will be too scared or embarrassed to tell you. Many kids think you will take away the computer if you find out what they saw.

Kids need to understand that you can come across inappropriate material without even trying. It can be an innocent search that results in pornographic images.

The internet gives us access to information from all over the world. Unfortunately, that includes information, pictures and videos that are not appropriate for kids or our family.

Let them know they will probably come across pictures of a nude man or woman. When that happens, they need to tell you should tell you so you can check the filters on the computer. The more you open up about it, the more they will tell you.

CyberSafeFamily recommends using parental controls that filter out inappropriate material and allow you to monitor your kid’s online activities. Filtering programs allow you to manage the content that comes through the internet into your home. In addition, it narrows down your search results and gives you more appropriate results.

If you don’t have parental controls, a filter or a content manager, you are putting your kids at great risk of being exposed to pornography and other inappropriate material.

Some of the information that is out there goes against the values and morals of our family. These days we don’t even have to look for it; it comes to us. Just like we decide who we allow into our home, we want to decide what we see on our computer.

The good news is that we can decide what is appropriate for our family and filter out what we don’t want coming in.

Although, once they leave home, you lose the ability to monitor and filter what they have access to.

For example, a mother called into a news show that was discussing internet safety.  She said they did not have internet access at their home. She found out her son was hanging out in their backyard, picking up their neighbors Wi-Fi and looking at porn. She was in shock, she didn’t realize it was easily available on the internet.

These days our kids have access to the cyber world through digital devices including laptops, netbooks, cell phones, iTouch or a Nintendo DSi.

Let your kids know they have their own free monitoring and filtering device that is always with them? It’s their brain.

When you teach your family values and show them what to do when they come across inappropriate material, they will feel more comfortable coming to you when they have an online problem.

Are you looking for a Filtering and Monitoring Program? Norton Online Family is a free filtering and monitoring program you can download onto your computer.

If you are looking for a great Internet Safety Program for you or your kids, click on the link below to find out more information on the program my family used.

I-Net Safety Parent or I-Net Safety Student

Potty Training in Less than a Day?

The last 5 years have been great as far as changing diapers, spending money on diapers and cleaning up dirty diapers! That is due to my youngest child finally moving to regular underwear! Back then, one of the most popular potty training books my friends and I used was Toilet Training In Less Than A Day by Nathan Azrin.

Many of my friends have had great success with this book.

I also picked up a few other ideas along the way.

Below are my favorite tips for potty training a toddler.

Potty training should start when your child is truly ready in all three areas: physical, mental and social. Your child must have the physical ability to perform the steps involved. They should understand how the body works and know the clues. Also, they should have the desire to learn.

Once you have a potty chair, and you are sure your child understands moving from diapers into underwear, ask them to bring you their favorite “lovey” or stuffed animal. Have them teach their “baby” first. This assures that they understand the process and are ready to move forward. If they have a hard time with this, you may want to put it off, but if they are willing to try, go ahead with the thought of introducing it to them.

The basics of the one day training was to set aside one full day that you can teach your child without interruptions. I explained that they were showing signs of being ready and were old enough to move into regular (big girl/boy) underwear. I gave my daughter some lightly salted popcorn and her first coke and explained that these would help us with our potty training for ONE day! Some smart kids may decide to prolong it for a few more days just to get these treats! I had her sit on the potty for 10 minutes and kept her entertained with books, cards, coloring etc. After 10 minutes she could eat some popcorn,drink her soda and play for about 10 minutes. We kept her out of diapers, pull-ups or underwear during this time, yes that means bottom half is out in the open. Then we started over again, sit on the potty for 10 minutes and then we increased the time off the potty about 5 to 10 minutes each time. So you would start off with 10 minutes on, 10 minutes off, 10 minutes on, 15 minutes off, 10 minutes on, 20 minutes off, etc. Continuing to fill them up with her snack which would make them thirsty, the more they drank the more opportunities you gave them to practice. You can use any snack or drink, but these were my preference for this special day!

Once you have introduced potty training, buy several pairs of underwear with your child’s favorite character. Wrap them up in some fun paper or present them in a special way. Let your child know that they have had some success potty training and they are now ready for underwear with their favorite character on them. Then after they model them and put them on and you clap and make a big deal about it, inform them that Cinderella (replace with favorite character name) doesn’t like to get wet or dirty. So, as soon as you need to go to the bathroom, don’t forget, run quickly to keep them dry and clean. A few of my friends tried this when they knew their kids were ready, understood and were still too busy playing to take care of business. If they do have an accident, you could try this note (or email)…

Dear (child’s name),

I am so proud of you for learning how to use the potty! I am also glad you got some underwear with my picture on it. Try to remember to tell your parents as soon as you feel the urge and then go to the restroom. Please remember that I don’t like to get wet or dirty and I love it when I stay dry!

We all have accidents sometimes and if you do, please tell your parents right away! They won’t be mad and then they can wash them quickly, clean me up and you can wear them again.

I am proud of you!

(sign characters name)

Remember each child develops differently. An age range could be anywhere from 18 months to 3 years. By 4, most kids are completely independent.

If you start and realize your child is not ready, try again in a few months.

You can’t make your child complete potty training until they are ready. You can start the training but they decide when it ends. This is not a battle and if it starts to head in that direction, put it off.

Toilet training usually cannot be accomplished in one day. You can accomplish a lot and get the basics down but expect accidents to happen and be prepared in case they do.

Have an extra set of clothing, a plastic bag to put wet clothes in and some wet wipes available nearby when you are out. Do not yell, punish or criticize when they have an accident.

Use positive reinforcement. Point out how proud you are when they make it to the bathroom.

Bedwetting is normal. For both kids the nighttime took much longer. We used night pull ups at bedtime and would try a few nights in a row every couple of months.

Nighttime dryness is achieved only when a child’s body is developed. You can’t “teach” this because it is not a skill. I know many boys that continued to wear night pull ups until the age of 7 and 8. I asked our pediatrician about this and they recommended to bring it up to the doctor to rule out any problems but that some kids may not develop this ability until later.

Please let us know if you have used any of these tips, have a book recommendation or other ideas to pass along!

Cammie Moise is the founder and editor of Moms Material.  She is a Texan mom who writes about all the fun and educational things she has come across in her 10 years of mommyhood.

Teaching Kids About Their Online Reputation

One great thing about technology is that information is easily accessible. In this picture, we have the world which represents all the information we now have access to through the internet.  When we have a question, we “Google” it to get the answer. All this information comes to our computers, laptops, cell phones and digital devices.

When you reverse it, all the information we put out onto the internet through emails, blogs, social network sites, comments, posts, pictures, videos, etc. is available to the world. Maybe you have put privacy settings on your information, but it could still be exposed and available for all to read or see.

Your online reputation is what is revealed when we look at your online presence. Your online reputation is revealed when we “google” your name, look at your social network profiles, posts and comments. Do you know what your online reputation says about you?  If you don’t, you should.

Don’t be fooled into thinking that anything is private, even email is at risk of being publicized.  Recently, those that had a Gmail account had their private Gmail contacts exposed on Google Buzz.  Most Gmail account holders didn’t even realize this.  In addition, Facebook had a glitch and revealed private chat conversations.  Those have been fixed, but it has taught us that we are at risk of having everything exposed.  If you don’t want it out there for the whole world to see, don’t write it and send it.

Technology has two sides – the good and the bad.  Do you want to create opportunities or do you want them to be taken away?

In Texas, we can use the true story of 2 teens and how technology and their online reputation (what the internet says about you) changed their future.  Both of these stories can be found on the Texas Attorney General’s website.

Alex’s Story

Alex was on his high school baseball team and received a college scholarship.  Things were great! Until one night at a party (where he had been drinking – underage) someone took a picture of him and posted it on their Facebook page.  Shortly after, the school principal called him in to his office and told him he was kicked off the baseball team. In addition, he lost his scholarship!

Can you imagine all those lessons and practices it took to get on the high school team and a scholarship to college?  He and his parents had sacrificed a lot through his childhood and were rewarded with the scholarship.  Can you imagine how he felt when he had to tell his parents he was kicked off the team AND lost his scholarship?  That is a BIG deal!

How do you think his friend that posted the picture felt? I would hate to be the one that played a role in getting my friend kicked off the team and losing a scholarship.

You have to think about all the consequences of what you expose to the world.  Do you really want to expose this comment, thought, picture, video to the world?

Now let’s look at an example of a good online reputation that creates opportunities.

Kevin’s Story

Kevin started a personal blog and shared what he was learning and projects he was working on. He didn’t want to write just to write, his goal was to have a purpose in every post.  He noticed people were following his blog.  When he was a freshman in college, a major software company found him through his blog.  They were impressed and he will probably work for them when he graduates.

Can you imagine being a freshman in college and a major company already wants you to work for them? Think of the opportunities he will have to choose from by the time he graduates.  Kevin has built a solid online reputation!

Technology can be used for good or bad.  We want to teach our kids how to be a cyber citizen that uses technology the right way by building a solid online reputation that creates great opportunities.

Will you use technology to create opportunities or have them taken away?

Parents, you can help your kids just by talking to them, don’t know how to cover all this on your own?

Try the Internet Safety Program for Families, it will teach you the Top 10 Online Safety Concerns. When you are done, it also includes an online safety training program for your kids.  This covers over 25 topics that kids need to know about in order to manage their online reputation.

This is the program I used over a year ago and my kids are using it today to stay safe online.

Great program for kids to learn internet safety over the summer!

Are You Using a Family Internet Safety Contract?

A Family Internet Safety Contract is a great tool to teach kids how to stay safe online and discuss family rules and expectations.

If you hand the contract to your child and ask them to read and sign without reading through it together, you are missing out on the most important part of the contract… the discussion.

Research shows that about 85% of teens don’t tell their parents when they are upset about something that has happened online.

Why don’t they tell their parents? They don’t know how their parents will react.  Will they take the computer away?  Will they call the other person’s parents? Will they rush up to the school and make a scene?  Or will they sit down with their teen, listen and work together on a solution?

When you go through the contract with your child or teen, discuss the safety concerns and talk about steps to take when faced with these issues.  Discuss solutions together and add the notes to the contract, so you can refer to them later.

Teens share more information with parents that listen and don’t overreact.  When parents and teens come up with solutions together, before they happen, teens feel more comfortable sharing these issues.

The contract below can be printed for your family to discuss, make changes if needed and sign.  Agree on a place to keep the contract that is close and can be referred to easily.  Parents may feel the best place is out in the open next to the computer.  Although, that sounds like a good idea, it could be an issue for some teens that don’t want their friends to see it.  Remember, this is a personal, private contract.

Family Internet Safety Contract

In exchange for the privilege of having and using digital devices, including a computer and a cell phone, provided by my parents, I agree to the following:

• I will give my parents my user names and passwords for all sites I use and I will not share these with anyone else.
• I will talk to my parents before setting up social network sites and set privacy settings together.
• I will not friend anyone that I do not personally know and have met, without my parent’s permission.
• I will not give out personal information including full name, age, address, city, phone numbers, email, school, etc. without my parent’s permission.
• I will never agree to meet with anyone offline that I only know “online” without checking with my parents.  If we agree it will be in a public place with one of my parents.
• I will tell my parents if I receive any messages that make me uncomfortable or are upsetting. We will discuss and agree on appropriate actions, which may include blocking.
• I will be a good digital citizen and will not do anything that hurts other people or is against the law. I will not bully anyone online, send or post pictures or video without permission. I will not set up fake profiles or create pages or websites that are mean or intended to hurt someone. I will remove any picture or video that has been requested to be removed.
• If I post anything mean or inappropriate I will take responsibility, rectify the situation if I can and accept consequences.
• I will not use technology to cheat (schoolwork, games, etc.)
• I understand that everything on the internet is not always true or correct. I will verify and use reputable sites for research.
• I will not download anything or install software/apps, fill out surveys/contests or give out my email address without my parent’s permission.
• I understand that everything I put online (comments, posts, pictures & videos), including anonymous comments, has the ability to become public and remain online forever. I will not post, comment, or send anything that I wouldn’t want my family, teachers, college admissions or future bosses to see.
• If I realize my online reputation has been compromised in any way, I will discuss with my parents immediately and take appropriate action.
• I will talk to my parents about rules for going online. And we will agree on when, how long and what sites I will visit.  I will not access other sites or break these rules without their permission.
• I understand that my parents are concerned about my safety and my online reputation.  I recognize that my safety is very important and I may disagree with my parents but I will obey their rules.
• My parents agree to talk to me about their concerns before automatically saying “no”.
• If I “friend” my parents on social network sites, so they can monitor me, they agree not to post anything unless we agree.
• We have discussed and I understand the consequences for breaking any part of this contract.

My parents reserve the right to make exceptions, modify, update or add to this contract.

Printable Version of the Family Internet Safety Contract

This contract is available for you to print out and use for your family.  If you have any comments or additional points, please comment below.

Inside the Box

This Christmas we had a good laugh, thanks to my sister and her “Decoy Gift Boxes”.  If you don’t know about these, you are missing out.  My sister found these at The Onion and used the boxes to place her “real” gift inside.  Her first victim was her father-in-law. I don’t recall what the real gift inside was, but the “decoy gift box” she used was the Kleen Stride. A personal debris removal system – because debris is always in season!  I can only imagine his reaction when he read “you can clean your way to sculpted calves” and they are “great for back pain sufferers”!   My sister said he looked at the box and told her it looked interesting, but he didn’t open the box. The poor victim didn’t realize the “real gift” was inside! She finally coaxed him into opening the box, since everyone wanted to see how the Kleen Stride worked.  Then, they all got a good laugh!

Victim #2 was my hubby and she picked out the perfect “decoy gift box” for him – a USB Toaster! The perfect gift for an IT person that is always on the computer.  When you need fuel but don’t want to waste time getting something to eat, just pop a piece of bread in your USB Toaster.  It only takes 30 minutes for 4 pieces of toast! Hubby fell for it and even told us one of his co-workers had one.  We finally convinced him to show us the toaster and  we all had a good laugh! My sister shared her discovery of the decoy gift boxes and showed us the flyer with the different gift box options.

I am about to place my order for the gift box set (shown above) and a few of the newest decoy boxes… the Coffee-Talkies! I can assure you that I will use this at the next White Elephant Gift Exchange.  I may even decide to use one when a friends birthday comes around.  The thought of one particular friend receiving this for her birthday, is making me laugh out loud now!

The Perfect Gift For A 13 Year Old… A Facebook Profile

How would you like to give your 13 year old the perfect gift?

Well, I have found it… a Facebook Profile!

If you think I am crazy, then keep reading and let me explain.

Ask any 13 year old if they are on any social network sights and the answer will most likely be yes. I have heard many kids state that as soon as they are 13, they are getting on Facebook. Of course, I have heard that many kids are getting on Facebook younger than 13. Unfortunately for them, Facebook has a policy that states: You will not use Facebook if you are under 13. If they are caught, their profile will be taken down.  In addition, the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA) states that any website collecting personal information from anyone under 13 must have parental permission.

I believe as parents we need to enforce these policies. One reason they have this age requirement is that most kids under 13 are not responsible enough with posting personal information.  And this brings me back to why I think you should give your child a Facebook Profile when they turn 13.  If you handle it the right way, it can become a fun teachable moment.

When my daughter turns 13 in a few years, I will say, “Finally 13! I bet you’re ready to set up your Facebook Profile (or whatever the latest social network craze is). One of my gifts is to help you set it up, so let’s get on the computer!” Then I will teach her about privacy controls, her profile picture, posting personal information, adding pictures, videos and links.  I will talk to her about what to do when someone she doesn’t know wants to “friend” her. I can show her the IM feature and teach her how to use it.

After we set it up, we can “google” her name and I can show her that her Facebook Profile picture is actually public and anyone will be able to see it. That means mom, dad, relatives, teachers, fiends parents, grandparents, etc. I will let her know her profile picture is important and it should be something you would show your best friend and your grandmother. I can show her the difference in what information is revealed by the different privacy settings. I will talk to her about the Facebook applications and I will tell her some of these contain viruses and malware. Then we have the Facebook fan pages and groups.  I can show her using my Facebook profile the information that is available to others when you join a group or become a fan.  These activities expose your picture and name to the other members that you don’t know.  Some of the people in the same groups will see your picture and may try to “friend” you. I will ask her how she will handle that.

In addition, I will talk to her about private information. I will let her know she needs to be careful about what she posts.  Even typical teenage posts can have consequences. I will remind her of the story about the girl that was upset her father couldn’t go to her school musical.  She shared on her MySpace page that she didn’t want to work for someone like her dad’s boss, who yells all the time and treats her dad like dirt.  After she posted it she realized her bosses son was one of her “friends”. A few weeks later, her father was fired.  You can read about this story by clicking here in the Family Circle, Share Tactics article.

She will have to be careful about what her friends are posting too.  I will talk to her about helping her friends stay safe online.  Are her friends accepting friend requests from people they don’t know? If so, her posts may be seen by her “friend”. Are her friends posting pictures that may reveal too much? Locations, addresses, vacation plans, etc. all these innocent posts can have consequences.

As you can see, by giving your 13 year old a Facebook Profile for their birthday, it opens up the communication to online safety.

And that is why I am giving my daughter a Facebook Profile on her 13th birthday!

If you found this article informative, don’t forget to pass it on to others!  All parents need reminders about online safety.

Share your thoughts in the comments below.