So Munchkin and I were out in the front yard a couple of days ago. We were doing our usual…him drawing on the sidewalk with chalk and me pulling weeds….when I came across this lovely contribution.

I just have to say a couple of things. OK first, it’s not so much that you chose to throw your empty beer can on my lawn, but…..KEYSTONE LIGHT?!?!? I mean come ON. This is Texas. I honestly wouldn’t have been near as irritated had it been Shiner Bock. At least it would have been litter and not “low-class litter”. And a can. Honey, you’re drinking Keystone Light from a CAN! What, let me guess. Your name is “Bubba” or “Boyd”?

And one last suggestion. If you have to be so rude as to throw something on my lawn, could you AT LEAST make sure it’s something that will kill that damn dandelion? Actually, Keystone Light might just kill dandelions, so how ’bout this. Next time why don’t you just pop the tab (I can’t believe I just said that) and pour the nastiness out on the dandelions and go GITCHER SELF A FRICKIN’ SHINER!!! IN A BOTTLE!!! M’kay?

*****************

I create fun and colorful flashcards for children. When you do that long enough, you begin to see the world as a series of flashcards. Sometimes they are funny. Sometimes they are warm and fuzzy. Sometimes they are mildly innappropriate. Come see the snark at The Flashcard Zoo Blog.

Here are Dallas Celebrities singing Faith Hill’s This Kiss…

I just couldn’t look away…turning down the sound does help.

So back a year and half ago Munchkin was driving me BANANAS with his inability to entertain himself for even 13 seconds. On someone else’s advice (sorry, can’t remember who you were, but Cruise bless you) I stalked Craigslist for a few weeks looking for the obligatory train table with some track and trains. Most of the entries looked something like this:

Train table with Thomas the Tank Engine trains. Trains include regular Thomas, Birthday Thomas, 2 Percys, Toby, Edward and coal tender, 2 James’ with coal tenders, Emily and coal tender, Molly, Rosey, Sodor Chicken Cars, Sodor dairy cars, Cranky the Crane, the Breakdown Train, Aquarium Cars, Giggling Troublesome Trucks, Musical Caboose, Annie & Clarabelle, Express coaches, Hector, Diesel 10, Hank and coal tender, Might Mack, Tidmouth Sheds roundhouse, Quarry Mine Tunnel…..and on and on and on.

I remember reading all that thinking, “Good GRIEF, people!”

So a listing for the perfect train table appeared one day for $100 and included about 80 miles of track and a handful of trains. I called the woman, told her I would PayPal her the $100 and kiss her on the mouth if she would promise not to sell it to anyone until I got there. She agreed.

We got it home that night and Munchkin went into a train-induced trance that he has yet to come out of it. Best damn $100 I’ve EVER spent, hands down.

Here is where the irony comes in. That night while DH and I were settling in, I announced, “We are NOT going to go crazy and buy every Thomas train available. That is just RIDICULOUS. I mean, NO child needs all those trains. We can get him Thomas and MAYBE Percy for his birthday, but we are NOT getting any more than that. He will be perfectly fine with a couple of trains and he can pretend he has the rest. I mean it’s SOOOO much better for his imagination and will teach him to appreciate what he has and blah blah blah blah.” I think I also said something about national security and the downfall of society, etc. Oh, I wish you could have HEARD the sanctimonious tone with which I proclaimed all of that.

May 27, 2009 – 53 trains and counting.

So much for single-handedly halting the downfall of society.

*****************

I create fun and colorful flashcards for children. When you do that long enough, you begin to see the world as a series of flashcards. Sometimes they are funny. Sometimes they are warm and fuzzy. Sometimes they are mildly innappropriate.   Come see the snark at The Flashcard Zoo Blog.

So here it is. I caught Munchkin on the toilet with his View Master.

It truly MUST be something in the Y chromosome that produces the insatiable need for entertainment while one is sitting on the pot. There were men in my family (I’m not mentioning names) who used to sit and read the Sears catalogue on the pot. I worked at a hedge fund in NYC where I witnessed many a men coming out of the bathroom with their thumbs flying across their Blackberry…because we know absolutely NOTHING can wait until you get back to your desk from your potty break.

I don’t know women who do this. I don’t take reading material or my phone to the bathroom with me. Who knows, maybe that’s just because I don’t have time. I rarely (if ever) get to even go in there by myself anymore, much less take 30 minutes to answer emails or pick out my spring wardrobe. Although, maybe if I had a View Master with some picture wheels of George Clooney or Hugh Jackman I could find the time.

*****************

I create fun and colorful flashcards for children. When you do that long enough, you begin to see the world as a series of flashcards. Sometimes they are funny. Sometimes they are warm and fuzzy. Sometimes they are mildly innappropriate. Come see the snark at The Flashcard Zoo Blog.

“What IS that” you ask? Those are toothpicks…broken in halves. I was visiting my parents this week and went to the cabinet to get a toothpick. Every single one I pulled out of the box was broken in half. I asked my mom “why do you only have broken toothpicks?” Her answer? “Your dad doesn’t want to use a whole toothpick so he breaks them in half.” Now, you might think they have fallen on hard times, but they haven’t. My dad just can’t bring himself to be wasteful of even half a toothpick.

I shouldn’t poke fun because he did teach me the value of re-using coffee filters and squeezing every last molecule out of the toothpaste tube (my husband would throw it away but I can brush my teeth for 2 weeks with the toothpaste that’s left) and getting two more hair washes from an empty bottle of shampoo by swishing water around in it and not throwing away the bottle of ranch dressing until you have rinsed it out with milk and used it on a salad. But breaking toothpicks in half? I would NEVER do that!

*****************

I create fun and colorful flashcards for children. When you do that long enough, you begin to see the world as a series of flashcards. Sometimes they are funny. Sometimes they are warm and fuzzy. Sometimes they are mildly innappropriate. Come see the snark at The Flashcard Zoo Blog.

What happens when I have a little too much time on my hands…