Why You Shouldn’t Bully My Children

Aka: Someone called me a “bad***” and this is why:

There are a few things in this world that really make my blood boil. One of those things is bullying. I feel this way partly because I was bullied for almost all my years in elementary school. To this day I still remember the little girls that bullied me by name even though it’s been a good twenty years since I left that school. Although I no longer feel threatened by these girls, my heart still goes out to children who are teased, left out, and bullied.

Especially when bullying happens to my own children.

So you can bet how livid I was yesterday when an older kid slapped my Kindergartner in the face right in front of me after school.

My middle son, the Kindergartner, has always been sort of an awkward kid. He’s slightly immature for his age, but has come a long way since he first started school. My son is just now coming out of his shell and starting to make friends, but still sometimes he runs up to kids and yells something silly to child strangers which I am sure comes off as being weird to other kids.

Which is what happened yesterday afternoon.

Everything was going great after school. My middle son was giving me no problems walking to the crosswalk for the first time in two weeks. The crosswalk guard then told us it was time to cross the street. When we got out to the middle, my middle son ran up to an older kid (who happens to look like Dennis the Menace) and screams something unintelligible to the boy. Dennis the Menace then slaps my son in the face. My son just stared at him like what the heck just happened.

I don’t know what overcame me, but in almost a split second I grabbed Dennis the Menace by the backpack, turned him around in the middle of the street, raised my hand, and came this close to slapping the little brat across his own face. In fact, the only thing that kept me from slapping him was that he flinched as he watched my hand get two inches from his face. So I asked Dennis,

“What the heck just happened? Why did you just slap him?” (We were now on the sidewalk on the other side of the street.)

He replies, “I don’t know…um…he cussed at me.”

“What did he say?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well you live on *** Street, right?” (I’m still holding onto his backpack; I’m not letting him go anywhere.)

“Yah…”

“Well, let’s go. We’re going to your house and telling your dad that you just slapped my kid.”

By now my blood is beginning to cool off. In fact, I didn’t even notice at that point that I was still grabbing the kid’s backpack while walking him over to his street. Once we got to his street, I let go of his backpack and I told him that the better thing for him to have done if he thought my kid was cussing at him was to tell me instead of hitting my kid. I told him that discipline is the parent’s responsibility and not his because he is a kid. I told him that under no circumstances should he ever hit another kid, especially not a younger, smaller kid.

Then I had him point his dad out who was sitting on his front porch waiting for his sons to get home. Dennis dragged his feet behind me.

Now to set the stage here: Dennis the Menace lives in the same 1970s neighborhood as me with large front yards and smaller backyards. His particular home has hardly any grass and the front yard is covered in children’s toys and bicycles. Dad is a much older man, probably somewhere in his late 60s. Before yesterday I even thought this older man was the grandpa. Dad is scruffy looking and very unkempt with a beer-belly stretching out like a ten month pregnant woman. Lucky me, at least he had a shirt on yesterday.

So, I tell dad what happened.

Dad turns to his boy and asks, “What did he say to you?”

Dennis the Menace says, “He called me an Effing A-Hole.” (Except he said the real words.)

Honestly, I still don’t think that’s what my kid said, but since I saw with my own eyes my kid say something to Dennis, I at least admitted that whatever my kid said that it was enough to upset the brat.

Then the dad thanked me for telling him what happened and that he would discipline his boy. I thanked him for listening and told him I’d do likewise. I then grabbed my three sons and told them it was time to walk home. We proceeded to walk off his front porch when the old man tries to bring up casual conversation with me:

“So, how old are your children?”

“Five, six, and seven,” I reply.

“Oh wow! You just popped out those kids…POP POP POP!!!”

And I’m telling you I came this close to slapping that old man across his face and calling him some choice words myself.

Jerkwad.

PS: For explanation of the above photo, please refer to Out of Context Morons.

Just a roll of the parenting dice

if you give a kid a cookie

Before I had children, I loved the Laura Numeroff books.
***
If You Give a Moose a Muffin

If You Give a Mouse a Cookie

If You Give  a Pig a Pancake
***
Now they just hit too close to home to be funny.

My children are the Moose, the Mouse and the Pig.

Click here to read the rest of the story over at June Cleaver Nirvana.

P.S. That picture is taken at the BRAND NEW SUPER COOL COMPLETELY GREAT Westchester Park in Flower Mound.

Potty Training in Less than a Day?

The last 5 years have been great as far as changing diapers, spending money on diapers and cleaning up dirty diapers! That is due to my youngest child finally moving to regular underwear! Back then, one of the most popular potty training books my friends and I used was Toilet Training In Less Than A Day by Nathan Azrin.

Many of my friends have had great success with this book.

I also picked up a few other ideas along the way.

Below are my favorite tips for potty training a toddler.

Potty training should start when your child is truly ready in all three areas: physical, mental and social. Your child must have the physical ability to perform the steps involved. They should understand how the body works and know the clues. Also, they should have the desire to learn.

Once you have a potty chair, and you are sure your child understands moving from diapers into underwear, ask them to bring you their favorite “lovey” or stuffed animal. Have them teach their “baby” first. This assures that they understand the process and are ready to move forward. If they have a hard time with this, you may want to put it off, but if they are willing to try, go ahead with the thought of introducing it to them.

The basics of the one day training was to set aside one full day that you can teach your child without interruptions. I explained that they were showing signs of being ready and were old enough to move into regular (big girl/boy) underwear. I gave my daughter some lightly salted popcorn and her first coke and explained that these would help us with our potty training for ONE day! Some smart kids may decide to prolong it for a few more days just to get these treats! I had her sit on the potty for 10 minutes and kept her entertained with books, cards, coloring etc. After 10 minutes she could eat some popcorn,drink her soda and play for about 10 minutes. We kept her out of diapers, pull-ups or underwear during this time, yes that means bottom half is out in the open. Then we started over again, sit on the potty for 10 minutes and then we increased the time off the potty about 5 to 10 minutes each time. So you would start off with 10 minutes on, 10 minutes off, 10 minutes on, 15 minutes off, 10 minutes on, 20 minutes off, etc. Continuing to fill them up with her snack which would make them thirsty, the more they drank the more opportunities you gave them to practice. You can use any snack or drink, but these were my preference for this special day!

Once you have introduced potty training, buy several pairs of underwear with your child’s favorite character. Wrap them up in some fun paper or present them in a special way. Let your child know that they have had some success potty training and they are now ready for underwear with their favorite character on them. Then after they model them and put them on and you clap and make a big deal about it, inform them that Cinderella (replace with favorite character name) doesn’t like to get wet or dirty. So, as soon as you need to go to the bathroom, don’t forget, run quickly to keep them dry and clean. A few of my friends tried this when they knew their kids were ready, understood and were still too busy playing to take care of business. If they do have an accident, you could try this note (or email)…

Dear (child’s name),

I am so proud of you for learning how to use the potty! I am also glad you got some underwear with my picture on it. Try to remember to tell your parents as soon as you feel the urge and then go to the restroom. Please remember that I don’t like to get wet or dirty and I love it when I stay dry!

We all have accidents sometimes and if you do, please tell your parents right away! They won’t be mad and then they can wash them quickly, clean me up and you can wear them again.

I am proud of you!

(sign characters name)

Remember each child develops differently. An age range could be anywhere from 18 months to 3 years. By 4, most kids are completely independent.

If you start and realize your child is not ready, try again in a few months.

You can’t make your child complete potty training until they are ready. You can start the training but they decide when it ends. This is not a battle and if it starts to head in that direction, put it off.

Toilet training usually cannot be accomplished in one day. You can accomplish a lot and get the basics down but expect accidents to happen and be prepared in case they do.

Have an extra set of clothing, a plastic bag to put wet clothes in and some wet wipes available nearby when you are out. Do not yell, punish or criticize when they have an accident.

Use positive reinforcement. Point out how proud you are when they make it to the bathroom.

Bedwetting is normal. For both kids the nighttime took much longer. We used night pull ups at bedtime and would try a few nights in a row every couple of months.

Nighttime dryness is achieved only when a child’s body is developed. You can’t “teach” this because it is not a skill. I know many boys that continued to wear night pull ups until the age of 7 and 8. I asked our pediatrician about this and they recommended to bring it up to the doctor to rule out any problems but that some kids may not develop this ability until later.

Please let us know if you have used any of these tips, have a book recommendation or other ideas to pass along!

Cammie Moise is the founder and editor of Moms Material.  She is a Texan mom who writes about all the fun and educational things she has come across in her 10 years of mommyhood.

Just a mom…

I have been on pretty much all sides of the Mommy Wars. You know the Mommy Wars. The constant battle over who has it harder and who is in the right. Who is raising their children the right way and who is ruining their children forever. Yes, those Mommy Wars.

I began as the young mom. I married at 18 and had my first son at age 19. Then, I was a stay at home mom for the first 11 months of my oldest son’s life. After those 11 months I went back to work full time. So I was a working mom. I was also a military wife at the time. Anyone knows that being a mom within the military life is a different world all its own. Then I was the stay at home mom to two. Then back to work. THEN the big one….I was a single, full time working, part time student mom.

Are you still with me?

Then I was the stay at home mom again. Then we added son #3 and son #4. So now I am the stay at home, homeschooling mom of four.

All this to say, I understand where almost every woman is coming from. I understand the need to feel important to yourself and to the world as something other than “just a mom”. I understand that deep down desire to be the most important person in your child’s world. I understand the wanting to stay at home and be with your children as much as possible. I understand the need to have a life of your own outside your home. I understand that sometimes being a mom can be a drag. I also understand there is no more important job in the world. I also know, that no matter what stage of motherhood I have been in I have ALWAYS had terrible guilt about something. Guilt about dropping my kids off with strangers for nine hours a day. Guilt about not feeding them enough vegetables. Guilt about yelling too much or not paying enough attention. Guilt, it’s what we moms do.

So I am here to say that I know that 99.9% of moms are good moms that only want what is best for their children. I believe in my case that is to be a stay at home, homeschooling mom. What is best for you and your kids? I don’t have a clue. I don’t pretend to know. On the same note, no one outside God, me and my husband can dictate what being a good mom to MY kids looks like.

In the end…..my name is LaShawn. I am just a mom.

LaShawn writes about being “just a mom” and shares her photography at Frazzled LaShawn

The Key Word is CHOOSE

I once made a comment that “The Terrible Two’s do not have anything on “The Tween or Teen years.” I am certain I am quite justified in this statement since I am parenting a tween, a 10-year old (almost a tween) and a 17 month old (which I firmly believe is the beginning of those “terrible twos”) and not to mention that I have gone through the T2’s once before with my now “tween.”

This “tween” stage is rough and tough. It is kicking my tail. Not only is this “tween” pushing every limit possible but he is experiencing life-altering changes at the very same time. There is puberty, new friends, cell phone, new school, we recently moved, g-i-r-l-s, dances, deodorant, cologne, brand name clothes, the list goes on and on. Most of that is normal and part of what is to come. Once he hits high school it will be all of that X10 and I pray I am prepared.

I am going to do all I can to be prepared, which brings me to some advice I was recently given to assist us through this rather challenging age. It is a technique we have began using with our two older boys.

Choice Language – for example, when approaching the child about their not so good behavior you would do it like this… “(child’s name), we do not throw things in this house. It is not safe for you or for anyone else. You can choose to (bad choice) or (good choice) – if you choose to continue with (bad choice) then you are choosing to loose your ______  & ______.

You are supposed to select what means the most to them and allow them to choose to loose it or not. If they choose to loose their privileges then you take it away for one day (obviously this depends on the seriousness of the choice) and tell them that it is ok because they get another chance tomorrow. You never take anything away more than three days at a time. The key is to let them know that they do get another chance and that it is their choice. You should say it all to them very matter-of-factly, almost like you do not care because it is up to them if they loose their stuff or not.

We have been using these techniques for a couple of weeks now and have seen some improvements but were also told it could take a while as the child has to get used to the parent reacting differently than they used to.

I am constantly searching the net and blogs for different types of parenting advice for teens and tweens and other stuff. I know I am not the only parent that is going through these challenges and if it works me it very well could possibly work for you too! So here I am, paying it forward.

Just 11 Steps to Go

To pacify or not to pacify, that has been the question (on Mamapedia)…

I have mentioned a few hundred times that Rhett(3) has had a bit of an addiction. He could be the poster boy for Pacifiers Anonymous (PA).

It started out so innocently…he cried and we needed a quick fix of peace and quiet so the binky pushing began.

Unlike the other boys, he actually took to the pacifier. It was pure heaven at first, but then he needed more, more, more.

More binkies.
More pacifier time.
More urgent cravings.

It was an ugly out of control spiral…

We had a binky intervention…twice. There are even family members who refuse to associate with him when he is using.

Tough love.
Tough times.
Tough side effects.

At one point I began strict pacifier rehab. He resisted treatment. I caught him stealing moments with his binky. I saw him sneaking hits. I saw him hiding the evidence.

He had to shake this habit before it ruined his life.

Ruined his life?

It isn’t like his drug of choice is illegal…

At that point we cut him a little slack.

Enablers.

At that point we decided to ignore the problem and hope it goes away.

Denial.

That was several months ago. We have given Rhett free and unfettered access to a never-ending supply of pacifiers. Slowly the pacifiers have been wearing out. Slowly the highs haven’t been as high.

Tonight as Rhett went up to take a bath blog-Stedman asked him if he wanted to take his binkies upstairs while holding out a handful of pacifiers.

Rhett turned and said “no”.

I asked him during his bath why he didn’t want his binkies.

He said “because I am not a baby”.

And he went to bed cold turkey.

He woke up about 45 minutes later shaking from withdrawal, but his resolve was firm. I am scooping him up and taking him to my bed.

This could be a rough night, but it is the first step…

When Holly isn’t dealing with binky abuse, she writes June Cleaver Nirvana.

There’s Always A Story…

I love this picture because it shows a few things Reese loves.

For a while, he was obsessed with sports jerseys. He would change through ten in a day…

He’d run back to his dresser & pull out a new one all the time.

It was fun to find second hand jerseys that didn’t cost much &

bring them home to see his face light up at another choice!

Then one day, it just stopped. It’s sad…I don’t remember the last time he asked for a jersey…

Of course, his paci…his Love from day one on Earth!

Mommy was ready to rip it away at such a young age…

“He’s too old for a paci”

Daddy, with his great wisdom, argued a better point.

“What is it hurting? He speaks fine, his teeth are fine. He’ll get rid of it when he’s ready”

I talked to the pediatrician. I talked to the dentist.

I wanted them to support my side so I could go home & tell Hubby

“See! We must take them away!”

But, no.

The doctors & dentist all said it was OK. That perhaps he *was* too old…

but the pacis weren’t hurting anything.

So there we had it.

I gave up the paci argument.

And sure enough, Reese decided that one day he was too old for a paci

and that the Babies needed his pacis.

So we rounded them all up,

he put them in a box

and kissed them away.

He went back for one last goodbye kiss…

opened the box lid & pulled out one last paci…

brought it to his lips, whispered “goodbye”,

gave it a smooch

and put it in the box forever.

The Paci Fairy came and brought something exciting & new,

but that box of pacis still sits on the top shelf in the laundry room.

Will I keep them until he’s grown?

How can I possibly throw out something that offered such comfort & was so important?

Reese never had a blankie, dolly, lovie..

The pacis were his Lovie.

Vintage baby blankets & worn teddy bears are cute.

Old pacis…not so much.

I look at the box every now & then…but I can’t bear to do anything with it.

Heather does her best not to make too many sappy blog posts over at Reese’s View Of The World…

How to Make Your Children BEG for Vegetables

I have admitted repeatedly (hoping confession is good for the soul) that I am not the world’s best cook.

Or even the world’s second best cook.

Really, the world screams “uncle” when I cook.

Aware of my one fault, I have attempted to make up for it in other ways so my family isn’t completely malnourished.

I watch what the boys have for snacks.

I pack healthy lunches.

I do what I can.

The boys like all those little packets of drink mix that you add to water bottles. As a treat once in awhile we choose a flavor…peach tea, pink lemonade, grape, etc. and shake, shake, shake for fun.

I was happy to find pink lemonade with added protein made by Special K that the boys drink with gusto. A little extra protein mid-morning seems to help dispositions.

I then found a drink with a full serving of vegetables! It is called “Veggies To Go”!

Be still my malnourished heart. What could be better than that? The boys are always a little light on the vegetables.

So we added it to the water.

We stirred.

And stirred.

And stirred.

It tastes as bad as it looks.

Using a goldfish glass might have been a little pond-water foreshadowing…

Spice Up Staycation with Cheap, Creative Thrills

You aimed to rent a beach house the Big Island this summer for your family, but alas, the economy has downsized your plans to include only cold showers at home.

That said, you and your kids can substitute a costly vacation with a smashing “staycation” here in Texas. All it takes is a little imagination and perhaps some phone calls. And just think: You’ll have the luxury of your own washing machine, which, when enjoyed with a frosty margarita, is a beautiful thing.

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