History Repeats Itself

History Repeats Itself

When I was in first grade, I went to a Catholic school where we had to wear uniforms every day. One precious day a year, all the kids were allowed to wear whatever they wanted for the grandest day of all…picture day. One boy? Got to wear a turtle neck and LOVE BEADS . He was totally the coolest 6 year old in all of 1971. But not me, nope….my mom put me in an itchy green dress with an ugly scarf to go with it. I did have some pretty rockin’ white patent boots though so it offset my otherwise middle aged attire just a little bit…but not much. It didn’t help that I was sort of a chubby kid with no athletic skills that people picked on.

I got to school on picture day and after enduring an awful lot of laughter over my stylish dress green polyester frock, I looked around and realized all the “popular girls” had bangs while I did not. My mom prided herself on not having given in to cutting my bangs despite my begging her…I had long wavy brown hair that she could do all sorts of things with to make me look even more like a middle aged 70’s housewife. (And not that there is anything wrong with housewives, but honestly, do any of you want to look like your Mom did then? Hip and cool were so not in vogue then in middle America…)

Well, I showed her a thing or two. Everyone, please meet Stiletto Mini, the 6 year old version of The Stiletto Mom.

See those crooked bangs? Yep, those were clipped by yours truly in Sister Mary Catherine Francis Angelica Margaret Elizabeth Anne Catherine’s (because you can’t have too many Catherine’s) class with a pair of little kid safety scissors. Look at that uneven line…but more importantly, look at that evil gleam in my eyes. VICTORY! I may be dressed all wrong but man…I showed her….I totally jacked my hair 5 minutes before pictures…take that! Also? While it looks like I have a missing tooth? I don’t…it’s a SPIT GAP. Ok, so let’s put all this together, chubby kid, dressed like a 1970’s polyester wearing forty year old, uncool hair plus spit gap equals??? You got it, six year old meltdown with safety scissors. Granted, it could look worse but there was a good four minutes spent trying to make them appear even for the picture with tremendous amounts of nun spit and I believe Elmer’s Glue…though I can’t be sure.

When my Mom came to pick me up that day, the nun stoically marched me out to the car and handed me over to my horrified Mother. I’m not sure, but I think they could hear her scream all the way up in Oklahoma, “OH HOLY MOTHER OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY!!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR HAIR????” And what did I say? “I fixthed it Mommy.”

So when Oklahoma heard these very words come out of my mouth some 37 years later this weekend, they should not have been surprised. None of this should be a shock to me either because Miss G is a carbon copy of me. (Wanna know what she looks like? The picture above, with blonde hair….evil gleam in eye is the same)

Keeping in mind that Miss G’s circumstances are totally different…she has a the tiniest bit of a spit gap, is very fit, wears super cool clothes and is generally popular, the thing I learned this weekend is bad hair happens to all of us.

Apparently, it went down like this. She had a headband and put it in her hair. Her hair, however, did not want to cooperate and would not form the perfect swoopy on her forehead. So doing what any logical 6 year old girl birthed by me would do…she got out the scissors and went to town. While she did not create the full bangs like I did, she managed to take a huge chunk of hair out of the middle of her face and elected not to tell me but to tuck it into the headband (you know, because I’d never figure it out right?)

Well I did figure it out. While I was on the phone with my cousin (who knew my mother all too well) all of a sudden Oklahoma heard from a crazed Catholic Mom from Texas one more time…“OH HOLY MOTHER OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY!!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR HAIR????” And what she say? “I fixthed it Mommy.”

Well, of course you did. And now, Miss G, you have bangs just like Mommy did in first grade. You enjoy growing those out honey.

1920’s childhood – SERIOUSLY?

I was recently spending an afternoon reading parenting books at Barnes & Noble. Our daughter is 15 months old, and we are starting to get into “testing” territory – and my husband and I wanted a plan.

3 Steps to Homemade Baby Food!

Homemade baby food – the perks are obvious! It’s WAY cheaper than pre-packaged baby food. You get to control the ingredients. Plus, it let’s you introduce food combinations, and ingredients you can’t find in typical jar food! And best of all- it’s FUN!

But it’s hard to do, right? And only granola loving, hippy moms living in communes do it, right? Right?

WRONG!

Making baby food is super easy, and you don’t need expensive equipment – although William Sonoma won’t tell you that.  All you need are some fresh fruits or vegetables of your choice, and a dream.

Here is how I make one of my daughter Molly’s favorite meals – Carrots & Green Beans with Dill.

You need:
Carrots
Green beans
Dill (optional)
Microwavable dish
Blender
Something to freeze your puree in

STEP 1- Prepare the veggies.
First I peel and wash a large bag of carrots. Or, if I’m feeling lazy (and I usually am!) I just buy a large bag of pre-peeled baby carrots, that are ready to go! You can also find carrots, and green beans in the frozen food section. I used frozen green beans in this puree.

STEP 2- Steam.
I stick the carrots and green beans in a large microwavable dish, add a few cups of water, and put a loose cover on them. You’ll know when they are done microwaving when you can pierce them easily with a fork. Above, you’ll find a picture of my carrots and green beans all tender from the microwave, and ready for step 3!

STEP 3- Blend.
It’s important to let your veggies cool down before putting them in your blender. Depending on the size of your food processor or blender you may have to puree your baby food in batches. Also, some fruits & veggies need very little extra water added to the blender because they are so juicy naturally. But other ingredients like our carrots and green beans, need water added to the blender in order to puree them smoothly. I use the leftover water from steaming, and add additional water as I need to. Blend for just a short amount of time for a chunkier texture baby food, or a longer time for a silky smooth consistency baby food. If you want to add any spices, this is the time to do it. I like to add a dash of dill before I blend, and after blending.

And then… wallah people!

Fresh baby food!

STORAGE- I use ice cube containers to freeze my puree, but you can also freeze portions in Ziploc bags. The benefit of using ice cube trays is that you can keep the cubes in a baggie in the freezer, and then pull out as many, or as few cubes as your baby is hungry for at any given time!

Making baby food is a simple, economical and creative activity! It’s also, thankfully, pretty mistake proof! Try different fruit & vegetable combinations as things at the grocery store go on sale. Hide vegetables your baby doesn’t really love, like spinach for instance – in sweeter vegetable like acorn squash or sweet potatoes! And don’t be afraid to taste your baby food as you go! In fact something like mango puree, is a pretty yummy adult snack as well!

And finally – HAVE FUN!

On a Bounty Search

I was recently at the Highland Village Wal-Mart to pick up paper towels.

When I got to the bright and shiny aisle, I looked around.

And around.

I needed white, large rolls of Bounty in a big package for the best price.

Is that too much to ask?

Yep, there is over 20 feet of Bounty bulk paper towel packages. I felt a bit lost in the Bounty department.

Let’s find large white rolls of paper towels for the best price!

Please stop pushing your brother! You boys need to stay with me here.

Let’s find large white rolls of paper towels for the best price!

No one should be hitting any person or thing! Brothers are nice to each other.

Let’s find large white rolls of paper towels for the best price!

Stop wrestling! No one should be touching a brother.

Let’s find large white rolls of paper towels for the best price!

All boys need to behave or we will be skipping the toy aisle!

Let’s find large white rolls of paper towels for the best price!

*screech*
*stop*

OK. I am going to stop right here. I want off this crazy train.

I have two solutions for this overwhelming Bounty paper towel choice problem:

1. Bounty could make large white paper towels in big packages – if they search their line carefully, they might find they already produce such a product.

2. Wal-Mart could move a portion of the toy aisle – I suggest Transformers, Legos and toy guns – to allow frazzled moms a moment in peace to figure out which is the right product. It would give us a chance to solve the Where’s Waldo paper towel search.

Until one of my solutions are adopted, I am boycotting paper and pulling out the old fashioned, cloth…*gasp*…towel.

Mama Called The Doctor, and The Doctor Said, No More Corn Kernels Stuck Inside Your Head!

Once upon a time, in the land of Vacation, was playing in the room while Mommy took a

came into the bathroom & told Mommy “I put a popcorn in my ear!”

“You did what? A what in your ear?” Mommy said.
“A popcorn. Look!” And as digs his finger in his , Mommy yelled “Stop!”

From inside the , she saw in his .

“Tilt your head & jump up and down.” says the soapy Mommy in the . No luck. The was firmly in place.

Greaaat. At least we passed a hospital about 5 minutes away from the hotel. Mommy had a feeling we’d be making the trip, so she told to ask to try & get it out.

As he’s working at the computer, sees come over nervously & says “I have popcorn in my ear. Can you get it out?”

Thinking Mommy would be mad (and not knowing that Mommy already knew), and went quietly into the bathroom to look for a tool to remove the .

Luckily, found , and using his big, bad Daddy ninja-skills, he popped the out of Reese’s .

Mommy was SO glad we didn’t have to make a hospital trip, & we all understand NO popcorn kernels in the ear!!

Baby Bottle Boot Camp

I feel like we need to have a graduation ceremony for Rachel. She has successfully completed Mommy’s Baby Bottle Boot Camp. Yes, our four month old baby has FINALLY drank from a bottle. Woo hoo! Let the balloons and streamers fall from the ceiling!

I started trying to get her to drink from a bottle about a month or so ago when Stuart and I were hoping for a date night for dinner and a movie. We put my milk in the bottle instead of formula because that it what she is used to. But she didn’t care. She just screamed her little head off and wouldn’t have anything to do with a bottle. We know some of the milk was dripping into her mouth so she could taste what it was but again, she didn’t care. The crying really got to me but I kept trying. We tried and tried and she just cried and cried. She went 6 hours one time before I gave in and nursed her. She’s a stubborn little one.

So I thought maybe I’d try some different bottles. Maybe it’s just the particular style of the bottle I was using. So I went to Babies R Us and bought a few bottles, including two specialty bottles that are specifically designed to be similar to breastfeeding. Nope, those didn’t work. Then a friend of mine heard of my predicament and asked, “But have you tried the $13 bottle?” I told her no but I was intrigued. She let me have two of her bottles. I was so excited. Surely my baby will take this bottle. It’s a $13 bottle. It’s got to work!

Nope!

More crying ensued (oh, and Rachel was crying too!). I decided that it was time for Baby Bottle Boot Camp. I worked up a supply of my milk to keep in the fridge and every day I would offer her a bottle. I would give it to her when it was close to time for her to eat but before she was getting antsy for food so she was calm but a little hungry. She would often start out happy and would gnaw on the nipple a little as if it was a teething toy. It seemed to actually interest her. But eventually she would get aggravated by it and her growing hunger and then the crying would start. I would change to a different bottle then try some more and change to another bottle and try again. I did this every day for about 2 weeks. It was a rough boot camp but she eventually started wrapping her lips around the nipple but not really drinking it. Then one day it just clicked and she figured it out. Now she’ll take a bottle although she likes to grumble a little in the begining just to let me knows that she is not a big fan of this method of delivery. At least I can rest easy knowing I can leave her with Stuart for more than 3 hours and not have to rush back home to feed her myself. What freedom!

What Was Life Like Back Then?

I’m not typically a Family Circle magazine reader and I don’t collect old magazines for a hobby. But this old find is so exciting for me. Here’s the story behind it…

Recently I was looking back through some old pictures of me when I was a baby in an attempt to figure out if Rachel looks more like me or Stuart when we were babies. I ran across this picture of my Dad holding me.

It’s a sweet picture and I’ve seen it hundreds of times before and never paid much attention to it. However, this time I took a moment to look at it more closely and think about what life might have been like for my parents at that time. They were living in an apartment in Baton Rouge at the time I was born. Mom had been an English teacher but quit when I was born. Dad was working as an accountant.

I was born at the end of September 1970 and it’s fun to look at the decor at that time. I actually remember that gold couch. I used to like sitting on it because it was sort of a soft velveety fabric. The black pattern was a different texture than the soft gold fabric I used to like to sit there and run my finger around the black swirls and feel the different textures side-by-side.

I think my parents still have that giant coffee table although it looks much different now. It is very sturdy and big. I haven’t taken a close look at it since I was little but I seem to recall sitting under it and looking at some iron swirly pieces between the legs. I’ll have to take a closer look at that next time I go home to visit.

I believe that the leopard painting is still at their house but I can’t recall seeing it last time I was there. I can’t imagine it is gone though. I think my parents have several paintings by this artist. Mom had told me something about the the lady that painted them but I can’t recall now. Maybe she was just a friend of Mom’s. I’ll have to ask next time I talk to her.

I can’t remember my parents ever having a rotary dial phone but that was obviously all there was at the time. The first time I recall phones in their house was when I was old enough to be on the phone all the time. I got to pick out my own Trimline phone and I picked a sweet pastel blue one.

The drama masks and zodiac on the wall. What can I say? It was 1970.

Then I took a look at the things on the coffee table. What had they been doing or reading earlier that day? Of course there is a baby bottle. The giant textbook sized book is most likely Dad’s. There is a Family Circle magazine and a TV Guide. I knew TV Guide has been around forever but I’ve never had much interest in reading that.

I didn’t know Family Circle was around back then. The thought of my mom reading a magazine like that to learn new parenting ideas and new recipes for our family was neat because I do that now for my family, just with different magazines. I tried to zoom in and get a closer look at the magazine to see what that month’s issue covered but I couldn’t tell.

However, a few searches on the internet and I found a magazine on ebay that looked remarkably like the one on my parents’ coffee table. It’s dated November 1970 so I was sure this was the same magazine.

A single bid later and I became the proud owner of a copy of the magazine on my parents’ coffee table when I was a newborn. It may sound silly but for a sentimental sap like me this magazine is really special. I’ve enjoyed looking through it, especially at the ads for products that aren’t around anymore. It’s also fun to look at the prices of products that are still around today. How different things were back then.

The Christmas Quilt Picture Story of 2007

At my first baby shower (pre-three boys) my mother-in-law gave me a Christmas quilt. Each year my children are subjected to posing with it for holiday photographs.

Last year my mom and I once again took the boys into Sears Portrait Studio at Golden Triangle Mall. I was relieved when I noticed the studio was deserted. The one photographer on duty did not seem pleased that we had made it to our appointment.

I explained to her that I brought a quilt to use for background. I then went on to explain how previous photographers had attached it to the Sears’ portrait studio equipment for the last 6 years. I need ONE portrait 5 x 7 to match the 6 I have at home from previous years.

She took the quilt and started what turned out to be a 15 minute process of quilt arrangement. I tried to be helpful, but she was a bit hostile.

Finally, she called that she was ready.

She arranged the older boys kneeling behind a chair where the baby was to sit.

The baby freaked and we spent 5 minutes bribing, cajoling and tricking the baby into the chair. It worked. We are picture ready!

1, 2, 3…POP! I pop the binky out of the baby’s mouth for the picture…
AND
*silence*
Nothing.
No picture.
No series of flashes.
Nothing captured on film.

I turned to the photographer and said, “I am going to pull the binky out so you can get a picture.”

Meanwhile, she is fussing at the older boys for moving despite the fact that they have been amazing little statues for the last 8 minutes kneeling.

1, 2, 3…POP!
AND
*silence*
I yell, “OK, we are ready!”
*one flash:*

A flurry of post-picture movement ensues.
*Get everyone settled down*

1, 2, 3…POP!
*pause*
*crickets*
*silence*
and finally as if in slow motion…
*one flash:*

By this point the older boys are legitimately complaining and needing to move.

I ask if we can switch poses.

No.

NO?

Nope. This is the ONLY way she can get the portrait 5 x 7 I requested.

That is weird. I guess all portrait 5×7 pictures in the entire universe of 3 boys have two on their knees and a baby in a small, white wicker chair in front of them.

I calmly suggest that they all sit.

That won’t work!

At this point she is saved by a phone call.

While she is out of the room answering the phone I arrange the boys on several red blocks I find in the room.

She returns.

I announce, “we are ready!”

1, 2, 3…POP!
*silence*
*more silence*
*continued silence*
*yep, more silence*
*one flash:*

The boys are off in 3 different directions.

I say, “OK, we are finished”.

She says, “I have to get individual pictures”.

“I am not going to buy individual pictures”.

She sets up for individual pictures.

Boy #1: Sitting by himself. Almost in tears.

She is yelling, “Smile! I can’t take the picture until you smile!”

It was ugly.

So ugly that grandma stepped in and said, “here lets take a picture on grandma’s lap” so she got positioned and flash:

Whew. One down.

Boy #2: Sitting on grandma’s lap. Traumatized by recent photographic events. Fidgeting. Grandma gently rocks to calm him.

She yells, “stop moving! I can’t take the picture if you move like that!”

The rocking continues because boy #2 is upset.

“Stop moving!”

“Take the picture!” I scream.

*flash:*

That is enough!

I say, “we are done”.

Grandma takes the boys and heads to the mall play area.

The photographer starts to chase them into Sears.

I say, “what are you doing?”

She says, “MA’AM, I CAN’T EVEN SHOW YOU THESE PICTURES UNTIL I HAVE 6″.

We have been there for 30 minutes and she only has 5 shots.

“TAKE MY PICTURE NOW!”

And then she poses me.
Sideways to the camera, looking over my shoulder and with both thumbs in the back pocket of my mommy jean capris.

*flash:*

And that is how I ended up with a picture of myself with a pleasant “mommy about to make the 6 o’clock news with violent attack on photographer at local department store” expression on my face.

She had her 6 shots.

I bought ONE portrait 5×7 of the first shot.

Holly wrote this story last year for June Cleaver Nirvana. It is one of her favorite stories and she has vowed to post it yearly…

WHO THREW THE ANVIL?

I have noticed that every once in awhile I have “yelled” something unusual at my kids.

And by “yelling” I mean a hasty order with a slightly raised voice out of pure exasperation.

I first documented this phenomenon almost two years ago with the following phrase.

“Take the baby’s shoes out of the fridge!”–Holly, November 21, 2007

Yep, that is pretty unexpected, but I think I have topped that with this:

“Who threw the anvil?”–Holly, November 2, 2008

I might even dare to say that no one in the history of the world (outside of maybe an ACME cartoon character) has ever said those words.

Why does Holly own an anvil?

I don’t own an anvil. It is Ryan’s anvil.

Why does Holly’s oldest son own an anvil at the ripe age of 7?

He got it for Christmas a few Christmases ago.

Oh. What?

Yep, when Ryan was 5 he got an anvil for Christmas. He opened the gift and said, “Oh good! Just what I wanted!”

It was true. The anvil topped Ryan’s Christmas list that year. He was really into breaking rocks into smaller pieces with a hammer. He was sure that if he broke enough stones he would find a diamond.

When you use a hammer on stones, it is best to have an anvil. His anvil arrived from grandparents who also included protective eye wear. Overall it was his favorite gift.

So back to the anvil flying through the air…

Me: Who threw the anvil?

Ryan: Uhhhh…it was an ACCIDENT!

No one accidentally throws an anvil.

I did.

How?

I was holding it above my head and my arms got tired.

Alright. I think there is a new house rule that anvils stay on the ground.

It just occurred to me that strange phrases yelled at my kids often result in even more absurd rules…

Insert Cliche Here

Anyone who has kids knows that once you have kids your life continues at a pace comparable to warp speed (once they’re around one year old and sleeping through the night and all that good stuff – before that life drags on at a snails pace.)

I know that my kids are getting older.  I can look back at pictures of them and see how cute they were.  And they were cute and they are cute now- thanks mainly to their daddy’s genes since two out of three look a lot more like him than me.

But back to the point- this morning when my son came downstairs ready for Kindergarten it just hit me (again) how quickly their growing up.

Check it out- his great-grandfather bought this shirt for him when he was barely walking – right around 10 months.  Now 6 years later the shirt actually fits.  Which is quite the miracle that we even hung on to the shirt that long because if we’re not using it it’s out the door.

As much as I wanted time to speed up when he was taking every single nap on my chest, or waking up 4 times a night to eat, or insist on being carried around ALL OF THE TIME (can you tell that he’s my first-born??)- I wouldn’t mind if time slowed down just a little bit so I could enjoy my time with him- and his sisters- before they’re all out of here.

Candace is a married, stay-at-home mom of three.  Between dolling out snacks, ”supervising” craft time, and trying to beat her husbands hula hoop score on the Wii she blogs at Mama Mia.

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