It is Their Turn

Somewhere today a kid is stepping onto a playing field.

Her first soccer game in her speedy pink shoes, his first freshman at-bat. And that standout day will be punctuated in some cases not by how well your child played, but by how you led them to the field.

We have all seen the stories in the news, tragic in some cases, about parents who went too far. And yet, most of us consider those cautionary tales as extreme, and nothing like what actually happens at our kids’ games. I gotta tell you, though, some of the rest of you aren’t impressing us much either.

Do you remember what it felt like to be eight years old, standing on that mound?

On that field?

Were you standing there wondering what flavor slush you would get after the game, or were you sick with worry about what your Dad would say about the grounder you fumbled? Or if he’d start trouble with that guy in the stands. Again.

It’s been awhile, I know.

Maybe 20 years?

Maybe 30?

You didn’t get picked, you struck out.

One second, one lapse in concentration and that ball went sailing by, much like your youth. I hope for the sake of the relationship you have with your child that you finally realize this cold hard fact. It is no longer your turn to play.

It’s his.

I’ve heard some of your pathetic arguments. Competition builds inner strength and commitment. Scholarships aren’t given to the weak and carefree. Talent is wasted without focus. I have news for you. If you put that kid on that field, he will learn with your help, or without it. And he will love you for your guidance and encouragement, or hate you for being the embarrassment at the game instead of the father who should have been.

Sports didn’t get hyper-competitive, my friend, you did. You invented the two-a-day, the club team, and the smack-talk. Sports turned into stepping stones for higher education, revenue generators for schools, proving grounds for respect and adoration, and the place where parent-child relationships went on the disabled list.

Reign it in.

Pull it back.

I know this is tough to accept, but this isn’t your turn at bat, it’s his. If he hits that ball it won’t make up for the one you missed. The only thing you can do to help that kid now is to develop his sportsmanship, and pure love of the game.

The good news is that after all these years, you will get to play this time. And you can play really well, or you can really strike out. The only way the “w” in the win column will be yours today, however, is if your child feels your pride and encouragement no matter what happens at the plate.

Your kid and I are hoping you’ll just do your best, and have fun.

Jay Lessons is a novice ‘burb daddy, a husband-in-training, and a sarcastic elitist. You can find more of his reflective rants at HalftimeLessons.com.

Inappropriate Material Online – Talk to Your Kids About it

When I speak to parents about internet safety, one question they often ask  is, “When should I start talking to my kids about inappropriate material or pornography on the internet?”

My response, “as soon as they begin to use the computer.”

If your kids accidentally go to a pornographic website, they will try to hide it from you. They will be too scared or embarrassed to tell you. Many kids think you will take away the computer if you find out what they saw.

Kids need to understand that you can come across inappropriate material without even trying. It can be an innocent search that results in pornographic images.

The internet gives us access to information from all over the world. Unfortunately, that includes information, pictures and videos that are not appropriate for kids or our family.

Let them know they will probably come across pictures of a nude man or woman. When that happens, they need to tell you should tell you so you can check the filters on the computer. The more you open up about it, the more they will tell you.

CyberSafeFamily recommends using parental controls that filter out inappropriate material and allow you to monitor your kid’s online activities. Filtering programs allow you to manage the content that comes through the internet into your home. In addition, it narrows down your search results and gives you more appropriate results.

If you don’t have parental controls, a filter or a content manager, you are putting your kids at great risk of being exposed to pornography and other inappropriate material.

Some of the information that is out there goes against the values and morals of our family. These days we don’t even have to look for it; it comes to us. Just like we decide who we allow into our home, we want to decide what we see on our computer.

The good news is that we can decide what is appropriate for our family and filter out what we don’t want coming in.

Although, once they leave home, you lose the ability to monitor and filter what they have access to.

For example, a mother called into a news show that was discussing internet safety.  She said they did not have internet access at their home. She found out her son was hanging out in their backyard, picking up their neighbors Wi-Fi and looking at porn. She was in shock, she didn’t realize it was easily available on the internet.

These days our kids have access to the cyber world through digital devices including laptops, netbooks, cell phones, iTouch or a Nintendo DSi.

Let your kids know they have their own free monitoring and filtering device that is always with them? It’s their brain.

When you teach your family values and show them what to do when they come across inappropriate material, they will feel more comfortable coming to you when they have an online problem.

Are you looking for a Filtering and Monitoring Program? Norton Online Family is a free filtering and monitoring program you can download onto your computer.

If you are looking for a great Internet Safety Program for you or your kids, click on the link below to find out more information on the program my family used.

I-Net Safety Parent or I-Net Safety Student

the proof is in the sweet potato pancakes

In the beginning I did not have faith in my parenting.

There, I’ve said it.

I mean, I guess I knew that I was capable of keeping her alive but I had absolutely zero confidence in the decisions I made as a mother.

I remember the night when she was about 5 days old and wouldn’t stop crying. It was 2:00 a.m. and I couldn’t get her to latch. I assumed she was hungry by her blood curdling screams and our inability to console her. I didn’t know what to do and finally at 2 a.m. in a haze of sleep deprivation and tears (both hers & mine) I ripped open the box for the Medela pump rinsed out the parts (I did not even think to sterilize), hooked myself up and desperately tried to get some milk. We fed her the 2 oz. I got from pumping straight out of the Medela bottle and she was happy.

It took me a long time to get over the thought that my moment of desperation and my quickness to give her that bottle of pumped milk is what set the stage for 4.5 months of struggling to breast feed.

But this isn’t a post about breastfeeding, this is a post about having faith in your ability to make the right decisions for your child. At that moment, although I didn’t see it at the time, I was a good mom. She was hungry and for whatever reason we could not get her to latch. But we did get her food and she did fall asleep.

Over the next few months there were many of those moments. I obsessed over how I got my child to sleep. You see, Madison slept in her carseat for the first 2.5 months of her life. It started off as innocent 3 a.m. drives and just bringing the carseat in once she fell asleep. Then we found out she had some pretty wicked reflux and she was so much more comfortable sleeping at the angle of the carseat.

We finally had to give up the carseat because of her pavlik harness and at that point, she spent the next 2 months sleeping in her swing. I was constantly obsessed with how I was probably screwing my daughter up. All of these people had kids that would nap and sleep in their crib and mine wasn’t. I worried that she’d never sleep in that beautiful & expensive crib that we HAD to have. I worried that I missed my opportunity to “teach” her how to sleep the right way.

And guess what? That child that I was SO worried about? Well, she slept through the night starting at 6 weeks. So yeah, criticize all you want that my child slept in her carseat because while you were up all night, mine was sleeping for at least 10 hours per night.

And now, she goes down in her crib wide awake and falls asleep…. for naps and at bedtime.

I say this not to throw anything in your face, but simply to illustrate that there are so many ways to do this parenting gig and I hate that there is so much pressure on us to conform to the “right way.”

In the battle of newborn vs. new parents, the newborn wins almost every time. Just when you think that tiny little baby could not possibly cry any more, they surprise you with another hour of shrieking screams. It is survival mode and parenting is an instinct. Sure, are there people out there that lack that parental instinct? Yes, there are lots of them. But for the sake of this post, let’s talk about the ones that have it.

These doubts that we all have don’t stop when our children start sleeping in their crib. In fact, they never end. They continue as we wonder why our child hasn’t rolled over yet when all of the other kids their age are rolling over. They keep going when you wonder why your child isn’t saying as many things as another child. You immediately wonder, what am I doing wrong?
Truthfully… the answer is probably nothing!

I’m here to tell you that I have stopped comparing my child… not because I had some divine experience that led me to blindly trust my parenting…. It is because I HAD to, and I am so thankful for that. Because of Madison’s hips she hasn’t hit most of the developmental milestones that other children her age have. She just rolled over for the first time at almost 9 months. She is finally starting to sit unassisted. She has virtually no strength to put weight on her legs and she won’t be crawling, pulling up or walking for a long time.

Life for us was different. I couldn’t put her in an excersaucer or Johnny Jump Up. I couldn’t let her sit on the floor and play with toys. I could prop her in the corner of the couch with lots of pillows or I could put her at the chair and table that I made for her. Those were my two choices.

We couldn’t start swim lessons or even go on trips to aimlessly walk around Target because she didn’t fit into anything.

And through all of this she has remained a happy and thriving little person. Being forced to watch her be such a little trooper has made me realize that I need to have some faith in the fact that I must be doing SOMETHING right.

So in the end if you were to come over my house you would find that I keep the TV on all day long (and yes, I catch her watching it). You would see that sometimes I am on the computer when she is lying next to me on the floor playing. Sometimes she doesn’t get all 3 solid meals per day because I’m busy. And sometimes when she does get them, they are not all healthy or organic. You would have seen that we let her “cry it out” at 4 months and we put her down to sleep without a set bedtime routine.

But you would also see a kid that learns something new every day, one that loves to be tickled and pet the doggies. A headstrong little girl who knows what she wants and knows exactly what she is doing. She is thriving and I like to take a LOT of the credit for that.

I am okay with all of these things and everything else about my style of parenting because it works for us. The proof is in the pudding…. or in this case, sweet potato pancakes.

if you give a kid a cookie

Before I had children, I loved the Laura Numeroff books.
***
If You Give a Moose a Muffin

If You Give a Mouse a Cookie

If You Give  a Pig a Pancake
***
Now they just hit too close to home to be funny.

My children are the Moose, the Mouse and the Pig.

Click here to read the rest of the story over at June Cleaver Nirvana.

P.S. That picture is taken at the BRAND NEW SUPER COOL COMPLETELY GREAT Westchester Park in Flower Mound.

Just a few Random Thoughts in Summer

Well…it is probably more than a few.

If few is actually three or more.

Although, the more should cover it.

Summer has been busy.  More busy than the school year.  Is that possible?

It is probably because I have a tendency to NOT schedule stuff.  It seems so permanent when I enter it on my calendar…so anti-spontaneous.  This sans schedule tendency is NOT conducive to taking care of multiple children.  Probably wouldn’t even work if I only had one.

Rare is the activity/camp/VBS/etc. which accommodates ALL three of my kids.  Which means they are split up.  Which means there are more moving parts.  More moving parts means that there is an increased chance of breakage and loss, i.e. Holly driving all over town in a silver minivan with a big BurbMom.net sticker on the side.

I know my life is glamorous.

This week my older two were in golf camp and my youngest was subjected to the mind numbing boredom that is mommy’s attention at home.  It actually turned out good because he is a helper.  We sorted through all the toys.

All the toys.

I repeat.

All the toys.

This is not a simple task.  No toy in my entire house was hanging out with their like kind.

Bin after basket after drawer after shelf went a little like this…

One lego.

One book.

One tinker toy.

A beanie baby.

Two more legos.

A Happy Meal toy missing a wheel.

A Hot Wheel.

A Lincoln Log.

A Magnet.

and so on…and on…and on…

What has resulted after three days of intensive organizational therapy is a garage full of “baby” toys and two trash cans full of things that were broken, lost and generally not in any shape to give away.  Please do not speak of these two trash cans with my children.  They need not know they exist.

Which reminds me to give out this general warning…

DO NOT GO SEE TOY STORY THREE IF YOU ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF A MAJOR TOY OVERHAUL.

If you do, like I did, then you will feel BAD and SAD for all those toys that you are casting off.  Toys have feelings too?

I did find it a little ironic that one of the toys that has been left out of play and put in the donation bin was Buzz Lightyear.  Maybe it is because we didn’t have Woody.

Anyway, the toys are now sorted and everything has a place.

Whew.

Summer time is work.  I need a vacation from summer.

Potty Training in Less than a Day?

The last 5 years have been great as far as changing diapers, spending money on diapers and cleaning up dirty diapers! That is due to my youngest child finally moving to regular underwear! Back then, one of the most popular potty training books my friends and I used was Toilet Training In Less Than A Day by Nathan Azrin.

Many of my friends have had great success with this book.

I also picked up a few other ideas along the way.

Below are my favorite tips for potty training a toddler.

Potty training should start when your child is truly ready in all three areas: physical, mental and social. Your child must have the physical ability to perform the steps involved. They should understand how the body works and know the clues. Also, they should have the desire to learn.

Once you have a potty chair, and you are sure your child understands moving from diapers into underwear, ask them to bring you their favorite “lovey” or stuffed animal. Have them teach their “baby” first. This assures that they understand the process and are ready to move forward. If they have a hard time with this, you may want to put it off, but if they are willing to try, go ahead with the thought of introducing it to them.

The basics of the one day training was to set aside one full day that you can teach your child without interruptions. I explained that they were showing signs of being ready and were old enough to move into regular (big girl/boy) underwear. I gave my daughter some lightly salted popcorn and her first coke and explained that these would help us with our potty training for ONE day! Some smart kids may decide to prolong it for a few more days just to get these treats! I had her sit on the potty for 10 minutes and kept her entertained with books, cards, coloring etc. After 10 minutes she could eat some popcorn,drink her soda and play for about 10 minutes. We kept her out of diapers, pull-ups or underwear during this time, yes that means bottom half is out in the open. Then we started over again, sit on the potty for 10 minutes and then we increased the time off the potty about 5 to 10 minutes each time. So you would start off with 10 minutes on, 10 minutes off, 10 minutes on, 15 minutes off, 10 minutes on, 20 minutes off, etc. Continuing to fill them up with her snack which would make them thirsty, the more they drank the more opportunities you gave them to practice. You can use any snack or drink, but these were my preference for this special day!

Once you have introduced potty training, buy several pairs of underwear with your child’s favorite character. Wrap them up in some fun paper or present them in a special way. Let your child know that they have had some success potty training and they are now ready for underwear with their favorite character on them. Then after they model them and put them on and you clap and make a big deal about it, inform them that Cinderella (replace with favorite character name) doesn’t like to get wet or dirty. So, as soon as you need to go to the bathroom, don’t forget, run quickly to keep them dry and clean. A few of my friends tried this when they knew their kids were ready, understood and were still too busy playing to take care of business. If they do have an accident, you could try this note (or email)…

Dear (child’s name),

I am so proud of you for learning how to use the potty! I am also glad you got some underwear with my picture on it. Try to remember to tell your parents as soon as you feel the urge and then go to the restroom. Please remember that I don’t like to get wet or dirty and I love it when I stay dry!

We all have accidents sometimes and if you do, please tell your parents right away! They won’t be mad and then they can wash them quickly, clean me up and you can wear them again.

I am proud of you!

(sign characters name)

Remember each child develops differently. An age range could be anywhere from 18 months to 3 years. By 4, most kids are completely independent.

If you start and realize your child is not ready, try again in a few months.

You can’t make your child complete potty training until they are ready. You can start the training but they decide when it ends. This is not a battle and if it starts to head in that direction, put it off.

Toilet training usually cannot be accomplished in one day. You can accomplish a lot and get the basics down but expect accidents to happen and be prepared in case they do.

Have an extra set of clothing, a plastic bag to put wet clothes in and some wet wipes available nearby when you are out. Do not yell, punish or criticize when they have an accident.

Use positive reinforcement. Point out how proud you are when they make it to the bathroom.

Bedwetting is normal. For both kids the nighttime took much longer. We used night pull ups at bedtime and would try a few nights in a row every couple of months.

Nighttime dryness is achieved only when a child’s body is developed. You can’t “teach” this because it is not a skill. I know many boys that continued to wear night pull ups until the age of 7 and 8. I asked our pediatrician about this and they recommended to bring it up to the doctor to rule out any problems but that some kids may not develop this ability until later.

Please let us know if you have used any of these tips, have a book recommendation or other ideas to pass along!

Cammie Moise is the founder and editor of Moms Material.  She is a Texan mom who writes about all the fun and educational things she has come across in her 10 years of mommyhood.

The Key Word is CHOOSE

I once made a comment that “The Terrible Two’s do not have anything on “The Tween or Teen years.” I am certain I am quite justified in this statement since I am parenting a tween, a 10-year old (almost a tween) and a 17 month old (which I firmly believe is the beginning of those “terrible twos”) and not to mention that I have gone through the T2’s once before with my now “tween.”

This “tween” stage is rough and tough. It is kicking my tail. Not only is this “tween” pushing every limit possible but he is experiencing life-altering changes at the very same time. There is puberty, new friends, cell phone, new school, we recently moved, g-i-r-l-s, dances, deodorant, cologne, brand name clothes, the list goes on and on. Most of that is normal and part of what is to come. Once he hits high school it will be all of that X10 and I pray I am prepared.

I am going to do all I can to be prepared, which brings me to some advice I was recently given to assist us through this rather challenging age. It is a technique we have began using with our two older boys.

Choice Language – for example, when approaching the child about their not so good behavior you would do it like this… “(child’s name), we do not throw things in this house. It is not safe for you or for anyone else. You can choose to (bad choice) or (good choice) – if you choose to continue with (bad choice) then you are choosing to loose your ______  & ______.

You are supposed to select what means the most to them and allow them to choose to loose it or not. If they choose to loose their privileges then you take it away for one day (obviously this depends on the seriousness of the choice) and tell them that it is ok because they get another chance tomorrow. You never take anything away more than three days at a time. The key is to let them know that they do get another chance and that it is their choice. You should say it all to them very matter-of-factly, almost like you do not care because it is up to them if they loose their stuff or not.

We have been using these techniques for a couple of weeks now and have seen some improvements but were also told it could take a while as the child has to get used to the parent reacting differently than they used to.

I am constantly searching the net and blogs for different types of parenting advice for teens and tweens and other stuff. I know I am not the only parent that is going through these challenges and if it works me it very well could possibly work for you too! So here I am, paying it forward.

Just 11 Steps to Go

To pacify or not to pacify, that has been the question (on Mamapedia)…

I have mentioned a few hundred times that Rhett(3) has had a bit of an addiction. He could be the poster boy for Pacifiers Anonymous (PA).

It started out so innocently…he cried and we needed a quick fix of peace and quiet so the binky pushing began.

Unlike the other boys, he actually took to the pacifier. It was pure heaven at first, but then he needed more, more, more.

More binkies.
More pacifier time.
More urgent cravings.

It was an ugly out of control spiral…

We had a binky intervention…twice. There are even family members who refuse to associate with him when he is using.

Tough love.
Tough times.
Tough side effects.

At one point I began strict pacifier rehab. He resisted treatment. I caught him stealing moments with his binky. I saw him sneaking hits. I saw him hiding the evidence.

He had to shake this habit before it ruined his life.

Ruined his life?

It isn’t like his drug of choice is illegal…

At that point we cut him a little slack.

Enablers.

At that point we decided to ignore the problem and hope it goes away.

Denial.

That was several months ago. We have given Rhett free and unfettered access to a never-ending supply of pacifiers. Slowly the pacifiers have been wearing out. Slowly the highs haven’t been as high.

Tonight as Rhett went up to take a bath blog-Stedman asked him if he wanted to take his binkies upstairs while holding out a handful of pacifiers.

Rhett turned and said “no”.

I asked him during his bath why he didn’t want his binkies.

He said “because I am not a baby”.

And he went to bed cold turkey.

He woke up about 45 minutes later shaking from withdrawal, but his resolve was firm. I am scooping him up and taking him to my bed.

This could be a rough night, but it is the first step…

When Holly isn’t dealing with binky abuse, she writes June Cleaver Nirvana.

There’s Always A Story…

I love this picture because it shows a few things Reese loves.

For a while, he was obsessed with sports jerseys. He would change through ten in a day…

He’d run back to his dresser & pull out a new one all the time.

It was fun to find second hand jerseys that didn’t cost much &

bring them home to see his face light up at another choice!

Then one day, it just stopped. It’s sad…I don’t remember the last time he asked for a jersey…

Of course, his paci…his Love from day one on Earth!

Mommy was ready to rip it away at such a young age…

“He’s too old for a paci”

Daddy, with his great wisdom, argued a better point.

“What is it hurting? He speaks fine, his teeth are fine. He’ll get rid of it when he’s ready”

I talked to the pediatrician. I talked to the dentist.

I wanted them to support my side so I could go home & tell Hubby

“See! We must take them away!”

But, no.

The doctors & dentist all said it was OK. That perhaps he *was* too old…

but the pacis weren’t hurting anything.

So there we had it.

I gave up the paci argument.

And sure enough, Reese decided that one day he was too old for a paci

and that the Babies needed his pacis.

So we rounded them all up,

he put them in a box

and kissed them away.

He went back for one last goodbye kiss…

opened the box lid & pulled out one last paci…

brought it to his lips, whispered “goodbye”,

gave it a smooch

and put it in the box forever.

The Paci Fairy came and brought something exciting & new,

but that box of pacis still sits on the top shelf in the laundry room.

Will I keep them until he’s grown?

How can I possibly throw out something that offered such comfort & was so important?

Reese never had a blankie, dolly, lovie..

The pacis were his Lovie.

Vintage baby blankets & worn teddy bears are cute.

Old pacis…not so much.

I look at the box every now & then…but I can’t bear to do anything with it.

Heather does her best not to make too many sappy blog posts over at Reese’s View Of The World…

How to Make Your Children BEG for Vegetables

I have admitted repeatedly (hoping confession is good for the soul) that I am not the world’s best cook.

Or even the world’s second best cook.

Really, the world screams “uncle” when I cook.

Aware of my one fault, I have attempted to make up for it in other ways so my family isn’t completely malnourished.

I watch what the boys have for snacks.

I pack healthy lunches.

I do what I can.

The boys like all those little packets of drink mix that you add to water bottles. As a treat once in awhile we choose a flavor…peach tea, pink lemonade, grape, etc. and shake, shake, shake for fun.

I was happy to find pink lemonade with added protein made by Special K that the boys drink with gusto. A little extra protein mid-morning seems to help dispositions.

I then found a drink with a full serving of vegetables! It is called “Veggies To Go”!

Be still my malnourished heart. What could be better than that? The boys are always a little light on the vegetables.

So we added it to the water.

We stirred.

And stirred.

And stirred.

It tastes as bad as it looks.

Using a goldfish glass might have been a little pond-water foreshadowing…

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