How to Pick Up Your Child From School

I had a request from a reader to illustrate the proper way parents should pick their children up from school. My daughter is still in preschool, and I don’t have to brave the public school car lines yet, BUT I did spend several years as a kindergarten teacher, and let me tell you–people seriously don’t get this.

Don’t Hold Up The Line

At most schools, there are two different ways you can pick up your child. You can sit in the car and drive around the school, or you can park out in the lot to walk in. If for any reason at all, no matter what, you think you are going to take longer than about 45 seconds to get your children situated in the car–park and walk in. I am not kidding here. There is no reason for you to hold up that car line. Every single person wants that line to go just as fast as you do, and no one gives a flying rat’s patootie about YOUR kid’s day at school or the special carnival your neighborhood is throwing next weekend. That’s what facebook’s for–not the pickup line.

You’re Not Special, Seriously.

I don’t care if you have a doctor’s appointment to get to immediately after school, hell I don’t care if you’re getting married to the Pope. You’re not so special that you can go the wrong way down the street. Is there a special sign you are supposed to hang from your rearview mirror? Don’t hold it up when you think the teacher is looking… hang up the damn sign. School administrators, architects, teachers, and all sorts of people have set this up so that the flow of traffic happens a certain way for good reason. Cars aren’t the only thing driving around the building when school lets out. There are big yellow school buses, daycare vans, and even walkers. If you disrupt the flow of traffic, you not only piss everyone off, but you actually risk the chance of causing a major accident. Follow the rules, goober.

Number of Seatbelts in the Car=Number of Kids in the Car

I can’t believe I even have to mention this, but you would be amazed at how many people pull up with like sixteen kids in a mini cooper and expect me to pile one more child in there. Look, I know the rules, and that traffic cop sitting at the end of the line who looks bored out of his mind? So does he–and he’s just waiting on an excuse to do something fun. Please don’t make me aide and abet you in your heinous crime, k?

Put Out the Cigarette, Please

I really don’t care if you smoke. That’s your own business, and you can do whatever you want. But, this is a school zone, and I have to open up your car and shove your kid in there. Can you seriously not stop chain smoking long enough to get through the carpool line? The very second you drive off school property, go right ahead and light up, but please give me a break with that crap. I already have a headache from standing out in the 102 degree weather with whiny children. Oh, and that traffic cop that just let that lady drive by with 96 kids in her Jetta? He might just pull you over--because that’s against the law, too.

Get OFF Your Cell Phone!

I don’t know if you realize this or not, but your kid has been at school for like seven hours, and they are really excited to see you. When you can’t even take the minute and a half to ask them about their day because you’re too busy blabbering on about the affair your next door neighbor is having with her pool guy, your kid is being ignored–and I might just have something important to say while I am helping your kid get buckled in. It might be something simple like, “Sally was a rockstar helper today. I am very impressed with her attention to detail when cleaning up.” OR it might be something heinous like, “Is there any way I can get you to park over there so we can have a little chat?” Either way–you’re being rude to your kid and your kid’s teacher. Both will like you a little less for it.

I know that’s quite a bit to remember, so let me just sum it up for you–stop whatever it is you have going on in your life and take twenty minutes to pick up your kid. Pay attention to your surroundings, and if someone flips you off or calls you a douchebag–you’re probably not handling the pick up line the right way.

Jamie Harrington is an aspiring author that spends her days frantically writing about super heroes and band geeks. She’s married to a pretty cool guy, and has a beautiful three year old daughter that’s the topic of most of her blog posts at Totally the Bomb.com. You can also find her mindlessly chatting away all day on twitter.

The Obama Indoctrination Speech to School Children

My five-year-old twins won’t view President Obama’s education address in their kindergarten classroom on September 8 because school administrators in our Texas district have deemed that it would “interrupt instructional time.”

Instead, the district will stream the video online. Families can then opt in–or out–of the national dialogue.

This safe compromise was likely made to soothe conservative voices here who worry the President’s short speech would aim to indoctrinate their youngsters into the Democratic party–or worse–a “socialist way” of thinking.  And while I haven’t yet seen the speech as I write this, I can tell you from my professional experience covering local, state and national education issues as a newspaper reporter for more than 10 years that few presidential addresses of this type given in the classroom release bombshells. My prediction is that Obama’s speech will be fairly neutral in tone and offer nice photo ops for the press corps.

As a parent of three, however, it is greatly refreshing to see the public’s interest in the content our children are exposed to in our nation’s public schools–I only wish we as a group would pay more attention to the subtle types of indoctrination that happens every day.

For example, last week–on the second day of kindergarten–my twins bopped home from our tony community’s premier elementary school with camouflage-colored dog tags hanging around their necks from metal chains.  While my kids thought nothing of this, I brought context to such symbols.  Dog tags, after all, are an indelible symbol of warfare. In fact, such dog tags are manufactured to be thin and small so they can be sewn into the mouths of dead soldiers and thus help those in field mortuaries identify the fallen. By sending home such a symbol, my public school is sending a subtle message that they not only approve of warfare–but wholeheartedly endorse it. Moreover, they’re telling my young children to be proud foot soldiers.

On the fourth day of kindergarten, my children returned home with fliers listing half a dozen fast-food restaurants that will return a portion of our bill to our public school in an effort to raise funds for educational endeavors.  “Mom,” said my daughter Elizabeth, “we have to go eat pizza tonight to help our school!”  As it turns out, we can spend every night this week–and every night for the remaining school year according to these fliers–at fast-food joints raising money for our school.   Of course, nutritionists–many who work for the state’s department of health–would tell us that to take the advice of our premier elementary school would be to risk the health of my family. My children would become obese, contract diabetes and ruin their hearts.  Yet, the subtle message from the public school is ‘Do your duty and help out your school.’

On the sixth day of school, instructional time in our kindergarten was handed over to two uniform-clad high school football players who signed autographs in promotion of their first big home game. They also read two books to the children, but this last detail was forgotten by my kids who reported only the shimmering uniforms and the deep, impressive voices of the handsome players.  It is likely, too, that they subconsciously picked up on the school’s subtle message that sports are of the utmost importance here in Texas, that male athletes should be revered above others, that strength of body trumps strength of spirit or mind.
This is why, even as a longtime card-carrying member of the Democratic party and big Obama supporter, I’m thrilled to have passionate conversations about indoctrination. But let’s not limit the discussion to the President’s 10-minute speech. As parents, we need to be aware of and address the subtle everyday messages our public schools are giving our kids.

I only wish our school district would give us the option of streaming some of these other messages via video.

Julie Blair is a Dallas-area freelance journalist who graduated from both public and private institutions. She continues to support her local public schools with her most precious commodities–her three children.