Dear Facebook Friends

Dear Facebook Friends,

I love you – I really do. I would not have accepted your friend request if we did not know one another in some capacity. I genuinely enjoy reading about your day, seeing your pictures, and watching you all try to one up each other to be the funniest facebooker.

Now here are some things that I would like to let you know about your status updates before you begin:

Yes – I know you are tired – really we are all tired – ’nuff said.

I think it is cute that you think that I am going to read your status update and suddenly say – “hey that was an amazing status update and I am going to go ahead and change political parties”. Guess what folks – not going to happen.

The whole reason that I like to check Facebook is because I like to know what is going on in your life – keep me informed – love that. I don’t even mind the mundane, “Bob is going to the store” status updates. I do, however, mind blasting your spouse for all of your 237 Facebook Friends to read. Please don’t do that – it makes me uncomfortable.

Facebook drama – I actually check Facebook hoping for drama – love it – HIGHLY entertaining. I do not however want to participate in anyway in any kind of drama. Find someone else to traumatize.

Tagging – really? Why you gotta be mean? Yes – the cream cheese stuffed blintz that I was eating was AWESOME – did I want a picture of me eating it on the internet for my entire past, present and future to see? Not so much.

Here is a little Facebook hint for you: Guess what? They changed the way that you update your status now so you can type in your entire story. There is no more need for this series of updates…….

Sally is sad…..

Sally’s friend – ??????
Another of Sally’s friends – What’s wrong honey?
Another of Sally’s friends – Hope you are having a great day. I love you!!!!!
Finally Sally – oh it is nothing guys – just some personal stuff going on

Sigh – news flash – don’t put it on Facebook!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you so much my sweet Facebook friends,

Now I gotta go update my status!

Holly

Holly blogs about her families daily adventures at http://iheartbowheads.blogspot.com

Awesome – right?????

You had me at “Chi”

When he married me, my husband likely thought he got a pretty good deal.

At the time I was quickly teaching myself how to cook (rather successfully…with the exception of the 4 Cheese Macaroni Incident of 2001), cleaned our little 900 sq. foot home every Thursday night while he was in class and was quite content with snuggling on the couch late at night watching Friends reruns rather than blowing our small salaries on nights out on the town.

Not the “standard” gal, I was not one to demand flowers or require expensive jewelry. Toss around a few “I love yous” on a regular basis, kiss me good-bye and hello, and perhaps leave a little note for me on occasion and I am good to go.

See what I mean about the husband getting a pretty good deal?

Although he got a pretty good deal in this whole marriage thing, I got an even better one.

Know that bit about me not needing bouquets of roses or big sparkly diamonds? Well, the husband could have just stopped there. He could have simply recognized that he somehow lucked out and would never be forced to browse the expensive and confusing displays at the local jewelery store, questioning how he would ever find that perfect piece that would make the ol wife happy. Instead of just being thankful he did not have to partake in buying me the typical wife-wooing gifts, the husband got creative.

A month into our marriage, he arrived home one afternoon bearing a clown cone from Baskin Robbins.

As I munched away on my cute little clown made of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, I loved him a bit more.

The year before we became pregnant with Isaac and had just decided to start a family, he gifted me with a few stuffed animals to go in the future nursery.

I smiled just last week when Isaac *gently* tossed one of those stuffed animals at his sister in a manner only a big brother can do, smiling at the memory of that animal’s entrance into our home.

For my birthday last year, the husband sent me away for the weekend where I could enjoy a blissful 48 hours of not having to fetch apple juice and goldfish for cute little people or clean up said apple juice and goldfish after those cute little people. Those two peaceful days recharged my batteries and made me even more thankful for my life long partner.

There are likely hundreds of gifts, some big and others small, that the husband has bestowed upon me during our decade+ of knowing each other.

Friday he put all those gifts to shame.

The family had just finished eating supper. I was rushing around attempting to get dressed (the husband and I were going out after the kids were in bed), gather things for the following day and attempting to field the hundreds of questions only preschoolers can generate. As I was scattering my piles of clothes and shoes around on the bed, I noticed a box. Then I noticed it was not just any box. It was a box containing a hair styling product.

Be still my beating heart.

That boy had gone out and purchased me a hair styling product.

And he did not buy just any old hair gizmo.

He bought a CHI.

Just because.

A few nights prior to the bestowing of this gift, I had mentioned how the man behind the CHI company is considering a run for Governor of our state. Completely bypassing any and all political talk, I then went on and on about the greatness of the Chi hair straightener. I surmised that anyone known for designing such a highly respected hair styling tool would most likely make a good Governor. The conversation transitioned onto another subject and nothing else was said about CHI’s or hair straighteners or about the fact that I most likely should reconsider my methodology for selecting potential political figures.

Then on Friday the CHI box magically appeared on my bed.

Some girls’ love language might be flashy rings or large expensive bags or glitzy trips. I can confidently say that my love language is hair styling tools.

What is a totally random, completely wonderful gift your significant other has bestowed upon you?

My Wife Is Always Right…Except When I Am.

Someone much smarter in the ways of marital harmony told me 5 things to remember when navigating “discussions” with your better half. My wife and I have employed these points, and have enjoyed the difference in our marriage and overall happiness.

1. Be each other’s advocate. Be the spouse that talks highly of the other. It’s an incredible thing when someone wants to give themselves to you, to spend their life with you. Talk about them like you adore them, when you’re in front of them, and when you’re not. Defend them. They will adore you for it.

2. Acknowledge their feelings. This does NOT mean you have to agree with them. Every issue should be treated as “This is how it made me FEEL”, not “This is how it IS”. Too often we take positions of My Fact versus Your Fact…start to think of each situation as My Perception versus Your Perception. They have a right to their opinion, as do you, and it isn’t necessarily RIGHT. Minimally, respect that they have feelings about the situation.

3. Compromise. How hard is it to give in, even just a little? Don’t set your feet in concrete, remember : You are not “right”, you simply have a differing perception.

4. Do something different. Doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result? Come at it from a different direction…acknowledge their feelings, soften your stance, try again.

5. Fix the system, don’t abandon the house. When a pipe breaks in your home, do you move? I know, it’s tempting… Don’t bring up divorce like it’s some pebble to toss at the fragile glass of your relationship. Address the system. Return to the steps, over and over, find a different way.

As you can see, the person who taught me these nuggets is deranged.

I am not wrong.

Ever.

Go forward and do likewise, gents.

Be right.

At all costs.

Then decide on which 40% you want to keep.

Jay Lessons is a novice ‘burb daddy, a husband-in-training, and a sarcasm specialist. You can find more of his reflective rants at HalftimeLessons.com.